Shifted my desert rose from sun to shade. It started to thrive.
Who would have thought when the seller at Chatuchat market said it was sun loving.
Relook assumptions of what makes you thrive. Have a supportive environment that believes in you.
“Mastering Adulthood” by Lara Fielding, PsyD.
Mind Warps: Can our brains distort reality or as Dr Fielding calls them “thinking errors”.
Do you trust your thoughts? One of my clients is going through a “Nobody cares! Im alone in the world” moment. Dr Fielding recommends a Mindful Mastery practice to Validate, Check and Change.
Skill 1: Notice: mind warps (examples below), catastrophizing.
Skill 2: Ask: is the thought 100% true?
Skill 3: Compassionately reframe.
1. All or none, black and white thinking – She always gets all the rewards.
2. Blaming – Hold others responsible for something that went wrong. If not for you, I would have… its all your fault. You screwed up my life. My mom wont let me…
3. Catastrophizing – assume the worst that can happen. I recall a client who thinks the plane will crash when he’s queuing at the visa office.
4. Emotional reasoning – mistake feelings for facts. If I feel nervous, it must be bad.
5. Mind reading – assuming others are upset about you when you see them frowning. She thinks Im stupid.
6. Minimization or Magnification – That doesnt count. My parents taught me not to boast or show off. Afterawhile every time I get a “compliment” or positive feedback from a student, I think they want something out of me. I disregard all the compliments I get from my students. Result – burnout. I magnify all the negative comments from 1 student of a class of 45 or a cohort of 120 students each semester. Lol.
7. Overgeneralizing and time travelling – if it happened in the past, it will happen again. One of my clients who is in her 70s talks about being bullied by her mother in law who died 20 years ago. She talks about this everyday if she has nothing dramatic to complain.
8. Personalizing – why is this happening to me? Eg. When something breaks and needs repair. Rather than thinking, all things break.
Any of these mind warps are common traps for you?
Do pick up this very practical book. Dr Fielding has QR codes for more videos on the topic.
Reflect + Reset + Results
The Human Capital Institute shared on a post that workplace loneliness is on the rise, citing a study conducted by Edelman and Cigna, in 2019, 45.7% of American workers reported feeling lonely at work. This is up from 44% in 2018.
In a study on Cigna US Loneliness Index, the numbers are even higher for Gen Z, workers aged 18-22, of whom 73% report sometimes or always feeling alone, up from 69% a year ago (Source: CNBC).
Why is it a concern?
According to Cigna CEO David Cordani, disconnections show up in other mental health issues such as depression or stress. Many young people feel that there is no one to turn to at the workplace whether it is to have a coffee or chill.
What can I do?
Make suggestions for workplace connecting. Build trust and fun activity that colleagues can do together to break the ice. I recall my colleagues in France bring a cake to office to chill. We in Singapore took turns to bring breakfast to work. My younger colleagues brought breakfast from their culture such as putu mayam, bought from the hawker centre across the street.
Trust and connections take time to build. We are all waiting for someone to reach out and make the first move. Why not make the first move?
If you are a worplace manager, consider what you can do to improve workplace culture. Hint: Open office layout and “work from home” are not solutions to lower loneliness at work. More suggestions.
How about setting a challenge for yourself and make the first move?
Share with me your thoughts in the comments below.
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